GIANT STINKY BABY SPOTTED WANDERING IN MIDWEST! ON COLLISION COURSE WITH MOUNT RUSHMORE! by Kelly Park

     The United States of America were all in chaos, but when the giant baby showed up, things got more and more chaotic. The giant baby crossed multiple rivers, it seems, judging from its soggy, moldy feet that left sinkholes all over town.

Now the town stinks of feet and mold, but that’s not all. Apparently the baby climbed Mt. Everest and other cold mountains, because its frostbitten fingers, nose, and toes say it all. The poor baby fell asleep on the London Bridge, thinking it was a bed. When it woke up, the baby started crying so loudly that all of the city passed out! They woke up an hour later, but they claim that they couldn’t hear anything for a half hour.

Meanwhile, the baby had stopped crying and was marching towards the Golden Gate in California! We fortunately could track the baby with helicopters and cars. Once the baby reached the Golden Gate, which was glowing like fire in the darkness, it snatched the bridge right off the road and started playing with it, thinking that it was a toy car or a toy airplane.

The baby continued its path of destruction when a mysterious hooded figure in Illinois spoke to the baby in a soothing voice and coaxed the baby to sleep. As the baby fell asleep, we all noticed that the baby had a black necklace. Then, the figure ripped the necklace off the baby’s neck and crushed it underneath the his/her foot. As soon as the necklace was crushed, the baby started shrinking until it was normal sized, once again.

The mysterious hooded figure pick the baby up, went up to one of the woman in the crowd, and gave the baby to her. “Amari!” the woman cried. She said to the figure, “Thank you so much for saving my baby!” and walked off, rocking the sleeping baby in her arms. As soon as the woman left, people started surrounding the hooded figure and asking questions. “Who are you?” and “Where are you from?” and “How did you know what to do?” and, lastly, “Can you take your hood off?”. The figure reached up to pull back his/her hood, and we all held our breaths. The figure pulled back his/her hood…

Only a little bit so we could see a smile on his/her face. Then, the figure disappeared into thin air! We were all silent for a good minute, and we burst into chaos. Ever since the figure disappeared, this has been on the news for weeks, and the military has been searching for this mysterious person. Who is this person? And will we ever see him/her again? Stay tuned for the next amazing news!

Wasabi in Water System, Crocodiles Charged by Lauren Scherer

    Recently the water in Charlotte, North Carolina has been spicy in flavor, and it was found that a group of crocodiles from downtown New York's sewers have been collecting wasabi from sushi restaurants and crawling through the sewers all the way to Charlotte and piping wasabi into the water system for unknown reasons.

    One person from Charlotte says, "I was so sad when I accidentally dropped my sushi in my glass of water-I'm still working on using chopsticks-but it actually tasted amazing!"

    A crocodile from NY says, "Snap, bite bite, snap roar."

    One crocodile mistook some green thinking putty for wasabi, resulting in multiple clogged pipes.

    One woman in Charlotte who's allergic to wasabi died last night after chewing on a pen that had gotten water spilled on it.

    One crocodile called the situation, "Snap roar, bite."

GOLDFISH KILLS CAT!!!! by Juliet Heffelbower

The Luanne’s (Loo-ay-n) who own Bubbles the goldfish did not see it coming when Bubble’s bowl tipped and landed on the family's cat, Whiskers, killing Whiskers which was clearly not an accident.

After the scene,Mr. Luanne scooped Bubbles up with a notecard and placed him in a extra tank. “I could not just let Bubbles die even if he was a cat killer” says the kind-hearted Mr. Luanne. “It would have hurt the kids a lot more if another one of their beloved pets died.” He says.

“We were all surprised that Bubbles did that.” says Mrs. Luanne. “He typically just swims around his tank and does not even notice Whiskers. Sometimes he even enjoys Whiskers company while he swims,” She stated.

The children were devastated that Whickers was pet for the last time, but are glad that Bubbles survived.

The family will be getting a cat named Whiskers Jr. this January.

TRUMP RECOGNIZED AS PLUTONIAN COLONIST!!!!! UNABLE TO RUN USA!!! by Kevin Samey and Darrel Zhao

72 year old president Donald John Trump was exposed in the speech room by accidentally showing his extremely orange neck.  Plutonians are known for their extremely orange, thick, necks. Investigators also found many pieces of plutonium stuck to the hairs of his body. This is vital evidence because there were five plutonian asteroids that crashed onto Earth’s surface in 2016. These asteroids were sent to Earth because they were angry that we did not keep them a planet. It was not blood that flowed through his veins and arteries, but rather plutonia, the equivalent of our blood but on pluto. Also, White House hair stylist Spikey Lee confided that Trump’s hair was not alpha-keratin (the material that human hair is made out of) , but they were plutonium fibers (pluto’s equivalent of hair).

Plutonians’ emotions range is the equivalent of a vegetable, so they are also known for divorcing and marrying new younger wives then prior. Plutonians are also known for their despise of foreign relations. However, they are very proficient in making domestic relations (within a country) only. Trump’s “swooshy” hair is also a common hairstyle for young male plutonians. The color yellow in hair is common associated with being lost. Young Plutonians are a light orange, and grow to become a darker shade of orange. One Plutonian year is the equivalent of 248 Earth years. Plutonians commonly live up to 5 plutonian years, which is 1240 earth years..

Plutonian leaders love to banish who they win against. Plutonians also have an unusual tendency of copying other plutonian countries’ constructs such as wall-like structures. Most Plutonians love to use Plutter, (the plutonian equivalent of twitter.) They use Plutter the same way we do. Message friends and try to get likes. Some Plutonians use Plutter to insult one another some to post endless streams of blazork and ferdlov pictures (like Earth's cats and dogs).

Pluto, a dwarf planet, is apparently livable, but it will not be habitable anytime soon. According to astronomists, theories that they have made about how those plutonian asteroids got to Earth. Was it alien technology? Was it luck? We do not know yet. Trump is being held in a laboratory for further study.

-- editorial changes made by Guy Stewart

Antarctica Gobbled by Giant Penguin! by Sammi Lenertz

On June 25th, 2018, Antarctica, (including a few hundred Eskimos) was swallowed whole by Dina, a colossal penguin on a rampage.

"This is so upsetting," commented an anonymous source. "Dina is out of control. Who knows what she'll mistake for dinner next?"

According to scientists, Dina is now wading through the ocean, likely searching for another meal. Government officials suspect she might choose Australia as her next victim, then eating Hawaii for dessert. Both places are in lock down.

"You've heard of Hurricane Katrina, now time for Hurricane Dina!" A passerby joked into a news camera. The death toll is already climbing into the thousands.

The animal is reported to be over seven miles tall, and growing larger each day. She's also incredibly adorable, being only a few weeks old. Who ever thought a newborn penguin may be the end of the world?

The White House released the following statement:

"Dina is currently being tracked, and we will bring her down soon. Until then, we request you all be on high alert. We suspect she may go for a more tropical country next. Please keep an eye out, and stay hopeful."

And there you have it. Until we meet again, Dina!

Putty Beach by Lauren Scherer

    A few weeks ago millions of containers of Crazy Aaron's Thinking Putty washed up on a California beach near the Santa Monica pier, causing thousands of putty collectors to travel to California to get their hands on specialty putties amidst hundreds of police attempting to stop the mayhem.

    One putty enthusiast says, "Yesterday my cat got into my Mega Super Lava putty and was so coated in it that he died of heatstroke."

    Multiple police officers were hospitalized after being crushed by the wave of people running to get to the pile of beautiful Tidal Wave putty.

    After only a few hours, most of the putty lovers gave up a few tins of putty to help the group that was throwing putty at the blades of the police helicopters in an attempt to jam them.

    The following night a report was mistakenly made that UFO's had landed in NYC after a huge mural of Glow putty was made, causing the scientists looking at the ISS's cameras to believe that the light was coming from extra-terrestrial beings.

    A huge green candy cane was made in San Francisco after half a ton of Chameleon putty was sent to the arctic, and another half ton was sent to the African Savannah.

    People who couldn't get to Santa Monica in time swarmed the website www.puttyworld.com.